Quick fixes?

Isn't it funny how, as youngsters, the thought of being middle aged did not compute.  You looked around and saw older people, but could never imagine being older.  Ageing is seen as a curse in our society and people will go to great lengths to stave it off.  Lengths which to my mind may be quite dangerous.  Fad diets, hair and beauty treatments, gruelling exercise regimes and handfuls of supplements are the used at great expense.  Not to mention elective surgery to correct perceived imperfections.  I speak for myself and no one else when I question the long term use of botox for example.  A derivative of the botulism bacteria. A powerful and potentially fatal poison. Does anybody really know?  I am aware of many people who use it and granted they look wrinkle-free and gorgeous, but I prefer to allow my wrinkles to tell my story.   I have seen the results of collagen and silicone injections disfiguring faces as it is rejected by the body into lumpy masses. Testosterone injections for females with low libido? The side effects are a list long, but that doesn't seem to matter as long as it does the job. I question doctors who promote drugs without due process. Hair dye can be a killer, especially the darker colours.  It contains p-phenylenediamine, or PPD, which can cause anaphylactic shock. I used to use it until I became short of breath one evening after applying it.  I use natural henna now and rather enjoy the preparation and definitely the result.  For me, sitting in hair salons for hours listening to endless chatter about knitting, second-hand gossip and healthy kids lunches is torture. Fad diets are just that, fads. Often weight loss is achieved, but not sustained. The body needs healthy food, in moderation. It makes sense to me, that food intake translates into an equal amount of exercise to sustain a healthy weight. Exercise is a wonderful stress reliever, but many are fanatical and this can cause long term damage to bodies, especially if training is carried out with little sustenance which is often the case.  Supplements are another area of contention for me.  People take supplements like sweets without ever researching their interactions or knowing if they are really necessary.  Firstly, the body rids itself of anything it doesn't need, so a lot lands up in the toilet and secondly, some supplement interactions can be lethal to the body. I try and make sure that any shampoos or beauty products I use are paraben free and not tested on animals. This is not an easy task as ninety-nine percent of beauty treatments are full of parabens and tested on animals. I have done my research and found some products that profess to be paraben and cruelty free and I stick to them. As far as elective surgery is concerned. I cannot understand why, unless someone has a legitimate reason, people would subject themselves to the knife. Surgery is always a roulette wheel. In cases of severe malformations, it is a blessing, but for unnatural enhancement? It is all about what others think, so why not learn to be happy in your skin. This is the body you were given and as long as you treat it with respect and love, it should be enough. Clothe it, paint it, enhance it naturally, but not to your detriment. If people don't like the you they see, they are not worth knowing.

A "complicated" issue.

Facebook is a forum to air one's views on a miriad of issues. People deplore the way that others treat animals and I am subjected to an endless stream of graphic images of starving dogs and mutilated pachyderms. I am well aware of these realities and have voiced my despair time and time again. But, I have spotted an elephant in the room. There is a noticable lack of any outrage surrounding what can only be described as carnage in Gaza. People, innocent men, women and children, are dying in their hundreds. Soldiers dying is part of their understood job description, but civilians? I do not condone war in any form. I have watched the endless debates, read all I can and tried to understand the actual dynamics of the situation. What strikes me is the way the problem is referred to by the players as "complicated" time and time again. I think this is the reason why people are reluctant to air their feelings.  It is so "complicated" that although a people are being persecuted, no one is certain how fair their comments may be. Perhaps people are afraid to appear insensitive? I am commenting on what I have witnessed and cannot justify what looks like a massacre. The television footage of the dead and dying lying in blood-filled streets with horrific injuries, hearing the anguished cries of terrified relatives shocked this hardened paramedic. The fact that the sanctity of hospitals has been attacked is surely against the Geneva Convention. As the number of injured mount, medical staff struggle to cope and vital resources rapidly dwindle adding to the misery. Collateral damage is an (un) acceptable fact of war, but I don't see much care being attempted to limit civilian casualties. It almost seems as if the civilians being maimed or killed are not seen as people. This perpetrated by a people who have suffered at the hands of a regime who did not see them as people, reduced them to numbers, starved them then gassed them like animals. This atrocity has been universally accepted as one of the most dire of human tragedies and we are encouraged to remember this so that that level of cruelty never happens again. . . And yet a people who should know better through experience are, it would appear, essentially committing a similar act over land. I struggle to find the sense. Anger at injustice has boiled over, both sides have their unwavering grievances.  But both sides have the choice to escalate or lay down the gauntlet and put an end to this.  I fervently hope that a full and final peace is reached for all, but as they said, its "complicated."

Far away families.

It is a sad phenomenon in South Africa that many family members are separated by thousands of kilometres. People still make the decision to leave this country for many reasons perhaps safer shores, to find employment or out of fear that the political situation may deteriorate. Some families leave in tact and others do not. This means that even with huge advances in communication, the natural family day to day interaction breaks down. When I was young I remember how difficult it was when snail mail or a very expensive, booked overseas call was the only way to pass news along and of course a telegram was never usually positive. A phone call is wonderful, but often things that needed to be said are forgotten. Nothing beats a face to face catch-up chat. Travelling from South Africa to other countries is prohibitively expensive with the weak Rand causing exchange rates to be exorbitant. Not within the means of most. If one does manage to go, the trip is tinged with a nagging sadness at having to leave again. Overseas family communication seems to be just one long goodbye with no guarantee of ever seeing each other again. It is rather isolated here on the tip of Africa. When bad things happen it is just awful to have to stand by the cell phone or computer waiting for news. The normal thing to do would be to go to those you want to be with, those who need you to share a cup of tea and a hug. On the other hand it makes every interaction very special, it really makes one appreciate family. But never the less, I believe families should stay together and I miss mine very much.

Farewell dear one.

There are times in life when a person appears and has such a profound impact on one's being that no words can adequately capture the significance of that meeting.  I was blessed to meet a beloved family friend when I travelled to New Zealand in 2012.  She alighted from an airport shuttle and the connection was instant.  It was as if we had known each other forever.  We dumped her baggage, poured a glass of wine, lit a ciggie each and started talking.  We didn't stop talking for her entire stay.  If I had to hazard a guess at this mutual fondness, I would say we were simply re-connecting.  We just knew each other.  We laughed until we cried, we spoke of hard times and difficult subjects, we wept and comforted each other.  She inspired me to invent a cartoon strip about a kiwi called Kevin and encouraged me as no one ever has before.  She was forthright and wise, an indomitable spirit who was as stubborn as a mule, yet as kind as could be.  Bright and funny, completely open minded.  It was not unknown to find her floating around naked in the pool, glass in hand or getting completely soaked on the slippery slide, even though her health wasn't great.  We swore to tandem bungey jump off the Auckland bridge next time I visited New Zealand and whenever she phoned me she reminded me about that promise.  I felt so free to be able to say whatever I wanted to in her presence.  I had never had a relationship with an older woman in which this was possible.   Dotty taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. She believed in me and by doing so, restored my faith in me.  She left the world today and later as the sun goes down, I shall sit quietly and chat to her with a glass of wine and a ciggie. I will send her my love and overwhelming gratitude for her enormous contribution to my life. I bet I will hear her laugh and say "You were worth it."

The obvious choice.

I do not subscribe to any set belief system, I have my own inbuilt radar which discerns right from wrong.  I have always thought for myself and following the crowd has never appealed.  I follow the beat of my own drum.  If something feels right and harms none I do it and if it doesn't, I don't.  If an idea resonates, I may, after consideration, take it on.  The ideal of love and forgiveness is a noble one, but life is not as clear cut as that.   Understanding why someone would hurt another is an interesting exercise when one is on the outside of the conflict, but if that hurt encircles one, what then?  I have a choice as does every other human being on the planet.  I have a choice to endure pain or walk away, I have a choice whether to fight back or forgive and I have a choice about how I feel.   It seems that since the dawn of time, humans have preferred revenge over peaceful resolution and this has perpetuated the fact that hate begets hate.  I have experienced injustice and intolerance, I have wanted revenge and to hurt as I have been hurt.  In the end I am human.  Where did this get me?  It made me ill, it made me unhappy and at times I disliked myself intently.  What did this teach me?  It made me realise that although I will feel the emotions, I do not have to act on them.  I am not obliged to forgive, but I can walk away.  I am not obliged to agree, but I can voice my opinion.  I can choose whether I want to expend energy on a thing and give it life or not.  Changing people's perspectives on long held ideologies is near on impossible, but imagine how wonderful the world would be if each person on the planet took it upon themselves to be kind, tolerant and understanding of the other? People could live in harmony on earth if they made the choice to do so. It is that simple.

Sean Terry. Missing skipper mystery.

The 12th of July 2012 was my nephew's birthday and also the day I was asked to look into the case of a missing yachtsman.  This was to be the beginning of a yet to be solved mystery.  My sister contacted me and asked me if I could look into my nephew's godfather's disappearance psychically.  The known information at that stage was just that a man named Sean had somehow disappeared off his yacht, location and circumstances unknown.  I closed my eyes and "saw" a tall, thin, tanned blonde man dressed in colourful shorts.  He was standing on board a yacht which was moored in azure blue, sparkling sea and it was a very warm place. On the decking were some ropes and a crate as if things were being sorted out or tidied.  In the distance I could see a hazy island and it seemed to have greenery and large rocks on it.  Behind me was another land mass.  Suddenly I saw another man, dark and stocky, with a tribal tattoo on his left shoulder and almost Polynesian-looking, wielding a long metal object, his face like thunder, about to attack the blonde man.  I wondered why he was so fiercely angry.  The blonde man put his hands up and said "Is this for real."  He seemed genuinely shocked.  I saw no more after that.  I sent a message to my sister suggesting they look into what the crew had to say.  Information started filtering through on a Facebook page that had been set up by Sean's distraught family and through the media.  Sean Terry, a very experienced skipper, had been sailing around the globe, mostly solo, on his yacht Finnegan.  Sean and an Austrian scuba diver named Stefan Pokorney, set out from Sri Lanka across the Indian Ocean via the Maldives to the Chagos Archipelago and were to sail on to Madagascar and finally home to Cape Town for Christmas. Sean was last seen on the island of Chagos and there are photographs of him there. I realised that Sean was the blonde man I saw. The crew member was not the same man I had seen. The apparent chain of events from then on is that Finnegan, and another yacht called Alice, left Chagos and sailed in tandem en route to Madagascar until they parted ways in bad weather. Alice last communicated with Finnegan 18th of June and it was reported by her skipper that it was a positive conversation. The next contact with Finnegan was when she sailed into port at an island South of the Seychelles called Coetivy with only the crew member on board. The crew member stated that Sean had jumped overboard at night, in bad weather, in a fit of rage. This could be a believable story because tragic things happen to the best at sea, but for a few inconsistancies. Firstly, the Man Overboard Button was not pressed and protocol was not adhered to. Secondly, the weather forecast for the days in question indicated calm weather. Thirdly, laptops and the logbook holding vital navigational information and notes had disappeared and finally, Seans family, knowing him as they do, said categorically he would never behave like that. It was reported by officials on Coetivy that the crew member also did not behave in the manner of a man who has seen his friend apparently commit suicide. Finnegan arrived at Coetivy on the 25th of June and Sean's family was notified of his disappearance on the 11th of July. Eventually the crew member was arrested on suspicion of negligence and held in the Seychelles. Sean's brother's and best friend flew to the Seychelles to see what they could do. They felt they would come home with Sean or at least answers. This was not to be. The charges against the crew member were dropped because the case must be heard in the country of yacht's origin which is South Africa. Stefan went home without a word to Sean's family. One would think that an innocent man would do anything he could to help bring answers to a bereaved family, surely? Family and friend left the Seychelles no wiser than when they arrived. A huge blow. I have since met Sean's family and they are just amazing people. I cannot imagine what it must be like for them to live day to day wondering what really happened to Sean. Their utter frustration at not being able to speak to the last person who saw Sean and ask pertinent questions if, for nothing else, but to find a little peace must be soul destroying. Finnegan has since been sailed back to Cape Town. The investigation on the South African side has been stalled due to tardiness on the side of the Seychelloise authorities who have yet to send the necessary documents which adds insult to injury. This case must be heard. Questions must be answered. Sean and his family deserve to be given the benefit of a hearing and Stefan must tell his story so that a court can make a decision. I never met Sean, but I feel that if I were ever to meet him, he would be like an old friend. I have spent two years with him on my mind almost daily and will continue to work on his disappearance as long as it takes. Leave no stone unturned.

Professional advice, erm, no!

Some people will jump on the opportunity to get something for free like aphids on a rose bush.  I find it almost obscene to watch the way normally well-behaved people become frenzied at the prospect of of a give-away.  A similar thing happens when people discover that someone has knowledge that they can tap for free.  As a paramedic, I find this happens a lot.  People ask about their ailments and I really don't mind dispensing advice if I have the answer.  Why they can't look it up on Google, I'm not sure, but then again Google doctoring can lead to people firmly believing they have rare and exotic diseases.  It also happens that people, usually when filled with dutch courage, sidle up to me and with furtive looks while fumbling around the belt area ask "Can I show you something?" I learnt quickly to answer over my shoulder as I beat a hasty retreat, "Go and see your doctor!" Else I may see someone's nasty bits that have been infected for a more than a while. . . . It gets my goat when people ask advice and then take advice from Aunt Arabella who has a dead relative's medical book from 1922, which is clearly far more informative and up to date than anything I may have to say!  On a more serious note, if I am consulted and my experience and training leads me to believe that what the patient is presenting needs urgent medical attention, why ignore what I have to say?  Why ask if my opinion is not heeded?  My husband, who is an accountant, has the same problem, as does my daughter, who is a tattoo artist. I suppose you could say that we are all professional people and as professionals in our respective fields, we take what we do seriously.  My daughter is obviously seen as a magician of sorts when she is asked whether she can replicate "The Last Supper" in minature on someones big toe for a fraction of the normal price. She has been doing this for some time and knows about skin, inks and placing for the tattoo to work and be the best it can be, but does that count, no! People want what they want for as little as possible and the people in the know are seen as difficult. A tattoo placed incorrectly on the body can distort and turn a baby portrait into a Yoda look-alike. Its frustrating. Yet those same people will pay for advice and take it as gospel truth. It is, I suppose, just the way things are.