And now for something completely different. . .

As previously stated I am not one for beauty treatments.  I don't have the patience or the stomach for hours in salons amongst caped and foiled gossipers.  I did, however, once attempt to wax my legs at home with help from a friend.  The day started with an expedition to buy suitable wax which, from the blurb on the packaging, appeared to be ridiculously simple to use and promised silky, smooth legs in no time.  It sounded perfect and so began the quest for hairlessness.  The wax was popped into the microwave, as per instructions.  Almost immediately the container burst into flame.  Not to be daunted by this setback, a different tactic was employed and the charred container was warmed in hot water.  Legs exposed, warm and suspiciously resinous wax was smeared liberally on my, soon to be gorgeous, pins.  Strips at the ready, grimace on face, riiiiiip and. . . nothing.  Not a hair moved and nor did the wax.  Again and again we tried to no avail.  My legs were embalmed in stubbornly solid wax.  Nothing for it, but to call the helpline.  Luckily the number was on the uncharred bit of the container.  Unfortunately hysteria had set in and between the two of us, giggles prevented us from making much sense to the not particularly bright helpline lady.  She seemed to think we were having her on.  Eventually we were told that baby oil was the appropriate solvent.  Did we have any? Of course not.  We had not forseen any leg versus wax catastrophes.  By this time, we had tried all manner of ways to remove the wax and my legs were rather red and sore and covered with blobs of cotton wool.  Next hurdle, a trip to the shop to buy baby oil.  My friend doesn't drive so I drove, robed in a towel and the plan was for her to nip into the shop, grab the baby oil and get the damn wax off.  Easy.  All was going well until her child escaped the car wanting her Mum.  Child running through parking lot with me, towel, wax, cotton wool and all in hot pursuit. Of course the towel fell off, it just couldn't not have. I grabbed screaming child who, by now had attracted a huge amount of attention wailing "Mummy, I want my Mummy." Now I was being viewed as a half naked, child snatcher by half of Fish Hoek's surly shoppers. After what seemed like an age, my friend emerged brandishing a tiny bottle of our life saving elixir. Oh thank the powers that be! I put foot and wax-caked-leg out of the car park and we squealed with laughter as I recounted between snorts what had happened during her absence. A calming cup of tea and operation remove wax began. It worked, but not without a great deal of elbow grease. Moral of the story. If your beauty product bursts into flame within the first five minutes of use, you should probably take that as an ominous sign. I am just so grateful that I started with my legs and not my bikini line!